I know, this book has already been written about to death, but guess what? I’m a fucking hedgehog. It takes a while for new books to reach my snuggle sack. Anyway, I’m not big on thrillers — suspense doesn’t react well with my temperamental digestive system. But what do you know, I found myself so engrossed in Gone Girl that at one point, I stayed up until 3 pm reading it. That is some crazy shit, considering hedgehogs are nocturnal.

I love psycho bitch stories. Any time someone tells me their ex was a psycho, I know the person I’m talking to is also a psycho. It takes one to know one, amiright? I tried to be smart when reading this book. I don’t like to be a sucker when it comes to big reveals. At the beginning, it seemed too obvious to pin the murder on Nick, the husband. But then I realized he was a psycho bastard which meant —aha!— Amy was a psycho bitch. And they say dolphins are the smartest mammals. Well, fuck that. But I was still shocked by some of the twists though. When Amy unleashed her final WTF moment with the hideaway sperm, I had to bow down. That is some grade-A fuckery. But you know what? I was still sort of rooting for the murdering scorned wife over the cheating bastard towards the end. I really am an old softie at heart. It’s always entertaining to watch you humans manipulate the shit out of each other. That’s probably why I get such a kick out of Maury.

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